lemon - how appropriate

so as much as i already love the little stinker, the pup, lemon, has suddenly become so appropriately named. omg...
first, she came up with this weird little bump/rash/dry patch looking thing on her back the first week we had her (i'd say smaller than a dime size), and when we took her to the vet, he said it might be a small cyst (but is unusual or unlikely for a puppy), or that she just has a clogged pore or something - so we put her on antibiotics (and it's looking much better now). she has very mild puppy vaginitis. then when we got the results of her poo-sample (yes, i had to put some in a little clear plastic cup) it turns out she has a bug in her butt, so we had to get an Rx to kill that little colon parasite. to top it off, i think we should be looking for a single-wide instead of a single-family house because my trailer park dog has lost her two front bottom teeth and one bottom canine, and worst of all - i found a tick on her. can you say eewww?!! i was totally freaked out by it, immediately grabbed a pair of tweezers, and flushed the bastard down the toilet. i should have lit it on fire - it might have been more satisfying. i combed through the rest of her like a g-damned orangutan - she's clean. but when tim gets home, i'm having him check my head. seriously.
so - while she's not a useless car, girlfriend [lemon] is a hot, hot mess right now. it's making her mama (me) extra neurotic and her papa (tim) extra annoyed with mama. but she seems okay for now, still eating and playing and pooping like normal - will keep you posted :)